Wet wipes

I called the plumber over the other day to fix a few things. While he was here I asked him to try and figure out why the toilet seat wouldn't stay up. Any male readers out there will know just how annoying this is. Trying to urinate with one hand whilst holding the seat up with the other less being circumcised by it can get tiresome.

He soon got to the root of the problem; a small copper tube sticking out the back of the toilet pointing into the bowl. Now I'd seen these in pretty much every toilet in Turkey and had no real idea what it was for. I asked the plumber to remove this pipe and so solve the problem. "Don't you use this???" he asked in a shocked tone. "Nope, never. We don't have these in England" I replied. "Offffff, how disgusting" he remarked as he twisted the pipe off.

Further enquiries provided me with my latest lesson in being a qualified Turk. Basically, post-defecation, one opens the tap and allows water to flow across the nipsy and is then used to wash ones backside before finally using toilet paper to simply dry.

I was intrigued and vowed to give it a try. Wow, what a difference a pipe makes. It's so easy and you feel so fresh. I can understand that it might not be such a nice experience in cold, wet England but over here a blast of cold water on the balloon knot sets you up for the day.

I now need to call the plumber back to reinstall the thing so I can enjoy the experience from either toilet.

My life is changed forever. Although I'm a little worried that I'll never be able to revert to the dry wipe.