Rude nan

I have to share something that made my laugh the other morning. My nan is 82 years old and lives in the next apartment. I go and visit her regularly though her memory loss means she doesn't believe that and chastises me for never visiting.

She has a live-in carer as she can no longer walk. A middle-aged woman from Turkmenistan called Suzanna with Turkish similar to mine but with a Russian accent.

A few days ago Suzanna's son came to visit her after almost 2 years of being apart. She asked him to bring a number of things from home that she's missed over the years.

To welcome him, I was invited to breakfast. After we had eaten, Suzanna grabs a can of something I can only compare to a thick, sweet condensed milk. She dips a spoon into the Turkmenistan gloop and proudly offer it to my nan to taste.

"We call this ........ Can I find this here?" Suzanna asks nan.

"Of course, we have everything in Turkey". A classic response from an aged Turk.

"Where can I find it?" Suzanna continued.

"In your mother's cunt" came the understated reply from the frail octogenarian. I dropped an olive.