Rude Nan #5

Mum had come over from England for my birthday. We were all teary-eyed when nan remembered her name and welcomed her back after so long. Suzanna took the opportunity to wind up the poor old bed-ridden soul (nan, not mum).

Suzanna: Come on! We have a special visitor. Aren't you going to get up and make her something to eat?
Nan: *silence*
Suzanna: You're so lazy. You just lie in bed all day. Get up and make your visitor something. She's come all the way from England.
Nan: *silence and glaring at Suzanna*
Suzanna: Lazy!!!
Nan: Listen. Why don't you just fuck off out of this house, you prostitute. (Aimed at Suzanna, not mum).

Mum's grasp of Turkish wasn't enough to understand why I'd collapsed spitting tea.